Tumblr and twitter took over my life. But reading my old blogs helped me remember I went thru alot. Sometimes I know i don't deserve what i've been thru. But honestly, this accident still keeps me strong. TIL THIS DAY. even tho its been more than a year. I can still think about it and cry my eyes out. Not because of what happened, just because I got thru it and I dont know how! hahah
I honestly still have some same problems, but not as it was before. I cried when i was reading my first blog, Just because i can still feel the hurt while I was writing it. But other than that, I'm just gonna log off on this Get back on tumblr. But i feel like i'm still gonna write on this. But not as much, maybe more secretive stuff =] hahah
thanks for reading!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, September 28, 2009
Oops.
I have NOT blogged in a while. But i think i'm gonna use this blog as my photography blog instead of my car accident. Yeah. =)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Holiday.
<3
" I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "
Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.
" I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "
Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
19 years..
Wow, I havent blog in SO long. quick update. Starting of the beginning of May, Yupp. I started dancing again <3. I needed too. I had to. my parents know. and they were okay with it! cus i didnt wanna be away from it anymore. :] FIRST dance was JayChris & Jesse's piece. oh MAN, bucking. thats wsup. hahah, yeah it still hurts here and there. but the pain doesnt phase me. i just need a little quick massage after... haha well.. anyways. PT, havent gone for a month! but now im back. NO MORE Water shit anymore, hated that. now its more workouts. but other than that, everything is GOOD, DOne with school. thank the lord, NO More freshman. :] WHOO!
& LA was crackin. i miss it, miss LA crew, shout out to you guys!
now... the reason why i'm writing this blog is because.. its my PRINCESS WEEK! aka my birthday week! what is princess week? mm. well in our family household. if your birthday is coming up, you have one week before your birthday to be SUPER Lazy and not do anything around the house [even tho we do that all the time] but no excuses! they cant say NO to anything what you want them to do! YUPP, my family is crackin. love them. hahah.
but ionno, the accident man, of course, its never gonna leave my thought, so this birthdayyear i wanted it to be REALLY special. yanno, FIRST off, its my LAST year being a TEENAGER, & Youre only a KID ONCE. & its like. I could of not celebrate this birthday, yanno what im saying. & i just really wanna spend it with everyone i love, thats why on sunday, it is VERY important to me. even tho its Prophecy nights, its my birthday! a day, where i can say Ive been living for 19 years. & not everyone can say they live through this point, especially if they were in my situation. alot of young people pass away, and i could of been one of those young people & IM super blessed that my 19 is coming up! at first, i didnt wanna celebrate [emo of course] but, i realized this day if very very very important to me. Thats why PROPHECY NIGHTS & MY birthday became one.
Have you ever thought if you never had a second chance in life? WHAT IF that accident was really worse. & My family would be at my grave on sunday. Thoughts like that gets me hella sad, thats why Im REALLY excited for my birthday. TRULY BLESSED. Pray for me on sunday & i'll pray for you. Thats all I need to say.
I miss my transformer :[ I was watching Transformer the other day, & it made me sad. Yes, my car I called it a transformer because one day i Randomly saw the transformer sign on my car but it wasn't visible, i saw it through the sunlight <3, and Ever since then it was my transformer. Bumble Bee took care of Shia & mines took care of me <3. i DO miss that car. sigggh.
But other than that, I still hear people talk shit about me, BUT THATS COO. Because of the Situation I was In with Chad. It's fine people gotta talk shit, but if you were in MY situation, you would understand. If you got something to say, DONT say it to other people because damnright it's gonna come straight to me, so If you dont want ME knowing, keep it to yourself.
I think thats it? YUPPPP. GOOD BYE.
Thanks for reading my blogs <3
Hi meow :]
Love always,
-Jemma
& LA was crackin. i miss it, miss LA crew, shout out to you guys!
now... the reason why i'm writing this blog is because.. its my PRINCESS WEEK! aka my birthday week! what is princess week? mm. well in our family household. if your birthday is coming up, you have one week before your birthday to be SUPER Lazy and not do anything around the house [even tho we do that all the time] but no excuses! they cant say NO to anything what you want them to do! YUPP, my family is crackin. love them. hahah.
but ionno, the accident man, of course, its never gonna leave my thought, so this birthdayyear i wanted it to be REALLY special. yanno, FIRST off, its my LAST year being a TEENAGER, & Youre only a KID ONCE. & its like. I could of not celebrate this birthday, yanno what im saying. & i just really wanna spend it with everyone i love, thats why on sunday, it is VERY important to me. even tho its Prophecy nights, its my birthday! a day, where i can say Ive been living for 19 years. & not everyone can say they live through this point, especially if they were in my situation. alot of young people pass away, and i could of been one of those young people & IM super blessed that my 19 is coming up! at first, i didnt wanna celebrate [emo of course] but, i realized this day if very very very important to me. Thats why PROPHECY NIGHTS & MY birthday became one.
Have you ever thought if you never had a second chance in life? WHAT IF that accident was really worse. & My family would be at my grave on sunday. Thoughts like that gets me hella sad, thats why Im REALLY excited for my birthday. TRULY BLESSED. Pray for me on sunday & i'll pray for you. Thats all I need to say.
I miss my transformer :[ I was watching Transformer the other day, & it made me sad. Yes, my car I called it a transformer because one day i Randomly saw the transformer sign on my car but it wasn't visible, i saw it through the sunlight <3, and Ever since then it was my transformer. Bumble Bee took care of Shia & mines took care of me <3. i DO miss that car. sigggh.
But other than that, I still hear people talk shit about me, BUT THATS COO. Because of the Situation I was In with Chad. It's fine people gotta talk shit, but if you were in MY situation, you would understand. If you got something to say, DONT say it to other people because damnright it's gonna come straight to me, so If you dont want ME knowing, keep it to yourself.
I think thats it? YUPPPP. GOOD BYE.
Thanks for reading my blogs <3
Hi meow :]
Love always,
-Jemma
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Breaking the rules...
Dancing, i've missed you so much. i KNOW im not suppose to be dancing, but especially right now. i need too.
So in the academic class, we had a guest speaker and he was a therapist. This negro hella made me cry -____-
We were talking about depression and health and shit, and i'm like woooow. really during this time.
Yes, I can say I am depressed again. -____- Dont really wanna share it with the world tho but anyways.
He told me I should go into therapy, because of my accident. But I still don't want too, physical therapy is already a bitch.
Dont wanna talk to someone else about it.. even tho Sometimes I do want too.. But i feel like its only gonna be a waste after I start really dancing again, until the doctors tell me too! But anyways...
Today, I was with Prophecy, Hella miss them. Havent seen them in 2 weeks! So, they were talking about show their gonna be doing next May, and i can say its gonna be hella crackin, so i just said FUCKIT, ima do it! i know im not suppose too! But i just really really want to dance again, 5 months is way tooo long its been KILLING ME, literally! So yes, i decided im only gonna do 1-2 piece. until I can start actually dancing again. yessss.
No lie, i just want dance to distract me from life again, So I can be so busy for everything I wont have to worry about ANYTHING besides school, dance & family. Done deal.
well thats it SO far.
LA was fun <3 miss it.
Thanks for reading!
So in the academic class, we had a guest speaker and he was a therapist. This negro hella made me cry -____-
We were talking about depression and health and shit, and i'm like woooow. really during this time.
Yes, I can say I am depressed again. -____- Dont really wanna share it with the world tho but anyways.
He told me I should go into therapy, because of my accident. But I still don't want too, physical therapy is already a bitch.
Dont wanna talk to someone else about it.. even tho Sometimes I do want too.. But i feel like its only gonna be a waste after I start really dancing again, until the doctors tell me too! But anyways...
Today, I was with Prophecy, Hella miss them. Havent seen them in 2 weeks! So, they were talking about show their gonna be doing next May, and i can say its gonna be hella crackin, so i just said FUCKIT, ima do it! i know im not suppose too! But i just really really want to dance again, 5 months is way tooo long its been KILLING ME, literally! So yes, i decided im only gonna do 1-2 piece. until I can start actually dancing again. yessss.
No lie, i just want dance to distract me from life again, So I can be so busy for everything I wont have to worry about ANYTHING besides school, dance & family. Done deal.
well thats it SO far.
LA was fun <3 miss it.
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sorry Jaz ....
Another post...
From my sisster.
"It's been a crazy/depressing/relieving/happy weekend.
My sister got into a car accident last friday on the way home from work driving down West 80. She got blindsighted by the sun and ended up driving through the center divider and crashed into a construction steamer.
I'll never forget that moment when I got the phone call. A (916) is calling my cell and I usually don't pick up random numbers like that.. but on that day I did. Thank God I did. A man was on the other end asking "are you the sister of...??" I hear all this commotion in the background and then.. I hear her crying. My heart starts pounding and all these thoughts rush to my head. (OMG. please don't tell me he's holding her for ransom!? what the hell is Jemma doing in Sac?) My sister gets on the phone and is able to tell me she got into a car accident. I jump out of my chair and grab my shit as fast as I can to get out of my house.
Driving to fairfield, swear, I felt like I was starring in a Fast and the Furious movie. Speeding my life away and merging different lanes just to get to her. (i know, not smart... but i had to be with her) When I get closer to the scene, the 916 man tells me that the cops don't want me to pull over because there's too much traffic and that i should just meet them at the Northbay Medical Center by the mall. As I drive passed the scene, I see her car... my heart sinks. For that moment, I realized... I could have lost my best friend.
You see, my sister and I have a very special relationship. Growing up.. we were definitely enemies that was forced to be together. I remember I hated when my parents would force me to bring her along to Marine World with my friends. haha I had to bring her everywhere with me and I'm sure she hated it as much as me cuz I would be so mean to her. Currently, I would love to spend as much time with her as possible. Over the years, she became my best friend, but still enemy from time to time :)
After going through this whole experience, I've learned to never take the moments with my sister for granted. All the "sleepovers" we have in eachother's room, all the crazy dance moves that we do together, all the movie quotes that we always say, all the fine ass boy talks... damn, i'm lucky. We promised eachother to never say "FML, I hate my life, Kill me now" anymore and maybe you should too?
You never know when your life can be taken away or those that you love can be gone. I say, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. Take all the risks you can. Allow yourself to feel love and pain. Say what you mean to say. Fulfill your dreams to max. Let go of the things that are unnecessary.
Allow your life to mean something to yourself and to those around.
Jemma, I love you. I wish you would clean your room more often, so my belongings wouldn't go missing... but I'd rather fight with you about it than to not be able to talk to you ever again. Let's keep adding to our list of movies that we have to watch together, yea? cuz you're the "Romy to my Michelle cuz we are WHITE CHICKS that love to be SUPERSTARs that use too much GREASE. One day we might even become PHANTOMs of the OPERA and stalk an ugly girl named PENELOPE" :) Girl, you know i got yo back no matter what. Remember I was gonna cash out my checkin account to bring you to Utah for you HSM3 audition when ma&dad wasn't having it? Remember I made a fuckin ruckus at the Summer Heat show cuz someone took your cellphone & camera? Now don't forget... that I wouldn't leave your side until ma & dad came to the hospital... Ill always be your ride or die chick.
& I'm sure there will be times in the future where we still wanna rip eachother's heads off.. but deep down.. I got madd love for you. FOREVER & ALWAYS. You deserve nothing but the best. so, all the boys BETTER be scared. Jemma not only has an older brother, but OVERPROTECTIVE SISTER. if it's anybody thats gotta approve of you, IT'S ME BITCH. kay, now impress me.
Here's to you & me bitch. LOVE YOU HOE!!!!"
From my sisster.
"It's been a crazy/depressing/relieving/happy weekend.
My sister got into a car accident last friday on the way home from work driving down West 80. She got blindsighted by the sun and ended up driving through the center divider and crashed into a construction steamer.
I'll never forget that moment when I got the phone call. A (916) is calling my cell and I usually don't pick up random numbers like that.. but on that day I did. Thank God I did. A man was on the other end asking "are you the sister of...??" I hear all this commotion in the background and then.. I hear her crying. My heart starts pounding and all these thoughts rush to my head. (OMG. please don't tell me he's holding her for ransom!? what the hell is Jemma doing in Sac?) My sister gets on the phone and is able to tell me she got into a car accident. I jump out of my chair and grab my shit as fast as I can to get out of my house.
Driving to fairfield, swear, I felt like I was starring in a Fast and the Furious movie. Speeding my life away and merging different lanes just to get to her. (i know, not smart... but i had to be with her) When I get closer to the scene, the 916 man tells me that the cops don't want me to pull over because there's too much traffic and that i should just meet them at the Northbay Medical Center by the mall. As I drive passed the scene, I see her car... my heart sinks. For that moment, I realized... I could have lost my best friend.
You see, my sister and I have a very special relationship. Growing up.. we were definitely enemies that was forced to be together. I remember I hated when my parents would force me to bring her along to Marine World with my friends. haha I had to bring her everywhere with me and I'm sure she hated it as much as me cuz I would be so mean to her. Currently, I would love to spend as much time with her as possible. Over the years, she became my best friend, but still enemy from time to time :)
After going through this whole experience, I've learned to never take the moments with my sister for granted. All the "sleepovers" we have in eachother's room, all the crazy dance moves that we do together, all the movie quotes that we always say, all the fine ass boy talks... damn, i'm lucky. We promised eachother to never say "FML, I hate my life, Kill me now" anymore and maybe you should too?
You never know when your life can be taken away or those that you love can be gone. I say, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. Take all the risks you can. Allow yourself to feel love and pain. Say what you mean to say. Fulfill your dreams to max. Let go of the things that are unnecessary.
Allow your life to mean something to yourself and to those around.
Jemma, I love you. I wish you would clean your room more often, so my belongings wouldn't go missing... but I'd rather fight with you about it than to not be able to talk to you ever again. Let's keep adding to our list of movies that we have to watch together, yea? cuz you're the "Romy to my Michelle cuz we are WHITE CHICKS that love to be SUPERSTARs that use too much GREASE. One day we might even become PHANTOMs of the OPERA and stalk an ugly girl named PENELOPE" :) Girl, you know i got yo back no matter what. Remember I was gonna cash out my checkin account to bring you to Utah for you HSM3 audition when ma&dad wasn't having it? Remember I made a fuckin ruckus at the Summer Heat show cuz someone took your cellphone & camera? Now don't forget... that I wouldn't leave your side until ma & dad came to the hospital... Ill always be your ride or die chick.
& I'm sure there will be times in the future where we still wanna rip eachother's heads off.. but deep down.. I got madd love for you. FOREVER & ALWAYS. You deserve nothing but the best. so, all the boys BETTER be scared. Jemma not only has an older brother, but OVERPROTECTIVE SISTER. if it's anybody thats gotta approve of you, IT'S ME BITCH. kay, now impress me.
Here's to you & me bitch. LOVE YOU HOE!!!!"
This made me cry ...
So i was just going thru my messages from the accident, and This is the one that got me the most =)
I love you DJ for sending me this...
This is the reason why i wanted to get a tattoo =)
Enjoy!
"OMGosh just found out the new, hecka crazy, just a few weeks ago i saw u, now i check myspace, thers a pix of u in the hospital...wth???
But I just wanted to give you some encouraging words...
Matthew 8:2-3
"A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, 'Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean.' Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. 'I am willing,' he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy."
Jesus is totally willing to HEAL you of your injuries...Ask and you shall recieve...plus in the bible everyone He encounted Jesus healed every single one of them. why should you be any different. The creater of the Heavens and Earth loves you sooo much He wants to make you better, so you can get back up on the dance floor and continue to use what GOD gave to you......ima pray for you right now
Father God,
Thank you so much for jemma and her life. I know that you are in control. I pray for healing in her body, that the healing process will not take 6-9 months, but that it will be so much faster that she will be able to watch movies, hang out with the friends, go to school, and to continue to rock out the dance floor...Thank you God for her gift of dance...I pray for her dreams that they will not only be dreams, but that they will become reality...It says in your Word that you are our healer...so I hold on that promise that you will heal Jemma...I thank you ahead for the healing in her body...We believe you are in control.
In Jesus name
Aman
Jemma, you gonna be just fine, trust in God and know that He loves you so much...let me know if theres anything else I can do, and please update me on the progress
take care and GOD BLESS!!! "
I love you DJ for sending me this...
This is the reason why i wanted to get a tattoo =)
Enjoy!
"OMGosh just found out the new, hecka crazy, just a few weeks ago i saw u, now i check myspace, thers a pix of u in the hospital...wth???
But I just wanted to give you some encouraging words...
Matthew 8:2-3
"A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, 'Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean.' Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. 'I am willing,' he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy."
Jesus is totally willing to HEAL you of your injuries...Ask and you shall recieve...plus in the bible everyone He encounted Jesus healed every single one of them. why should you be any different. The creater of the Heavens and Earth loves you sooo much He wants to make you better, so you can get back up on the dance floor and continue to use what GOD gave to you......ima pray for you right now
Father God,
Thank you so much for jemma and her life. I know that you are in control. I pray for healing in her body, that the healing process will not take 6-9 months, but that it will be so much faster that she will be able to watch movies, hang out with the friends, go to school, and to continue to rock out the dance floor...Thank you God for her gift of dance...I pray for her dreams that they will not only be dreams, but that they will become reality...It says in your Word that you are our healer...so I hold on that promise that you will heal Jemma...I thank you ahead for the healing in her body...We believe you are in control.
In Jesus name
Aman
Jemma, you gonna be just fine, trust in God and know that He loves you so much...let me know if theres anything else I can do, and please update me on the progress
take care and GOD BLESS!!! "
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