Breaking the rules...

Dancing, i've missed you so much. i KNOW im not suppose to be dancing, but especially right now. i need too.
So in the academic class, we had a guest speaker and he was a therapist. This negro hella made me cry -____-
We were talking about depression and health and shit, and i'm like woooow. really during this time.
Yes, I can say I am depressed again. -____- Dont really wanna share it with the world tho but anyways.
He told me I should go into therapy, because of my accident. But I still don't want too, physical therapy is already a bitch.
Dont wanna talk to someone else about it.. even tho Sometimes I do want too.. But i feel like its only gonna be a waste after I start really dancing again, until the doctors tell me too! But anyways...

Today, I was with Prophecy, Hella miss them. Havent seen them in 2 weeks! So, they were talking about show their gonna be doing next May, and i can say its gonna be hella crackin, so i just said FUCKIT, ima do it! i know im not suppose too! But i just really really want to dance again, 5 months is way tooo long its been KILLING ME, literally! So yes, i decided im only gonna do 1-2 piece. until I can start actually dancing again. yessss.

No lie, i just want dance to distract me from life again, So I can be so busy for everything I wont have to worry about ANYTHING besides school, dance & family. Done deal.

well thats it SO far.
LA was fun <3 miss it.

Thanks for reading!

Sorry Jaz ....

Another post...

From my sisster.

"It's been a crazy/depressing/relieving/happy weekend.

My sister got into a car accident last friday on the way home from work driving down West 80. She got blindsighted by the sun and ended up driving through the center divider and crashed into a construction steamer.

I'll never forget that moment when I got the phone call. A (916) is calling my cell and I usually don't pick up random numbers like that.. but on that day I did. Thank God I did. A man was on the other end asking "are you the sister of...??" I hear all this commotion in the background and then.. I hear her crying. My heart starts pounding and all these thoughts rush to my head. (OMG. please don't tell me he's holding her for ransom!? what the hell is Jemma doing in Sac?) My sister gets on the phone and is able to tell me she got into a car accident. I jump out of my chair and grab my shit as fast as I can to get out of my house.

Driving to fairfield, swear, I felt like I was starring in a Fast and the Furious movie. Speeding my life away and merging different lanes just to get to her. (i know, not smart... but i had to be with her) When I get closer to the scene, the 916 man tells me that the cops don't want me to pull over because there's too much traffic and that i should just meet them at the Northbay Medical Center by the mall. As I drive passed the scene, I see her car... my heart sinks. For that moment, I realized... I could have lost my best friend.

You see, my sister and I have a very special relationship. Growing up.. we were definitely enemies that was forced to be together. I remember I hated when my parents would force me to bring her along to Marine World with my friends. haha I had to bring her everywhere with me and I'm sure she hated it as much as me cuz I would be so mean to her. Currently, I would love to spend as much time with her as possible. Over the years, she became my best friend, but still enemy from time to time :)

After going through this whole experience, I've learned to never take the moments with my sister for granted. All the "sleepovers" we have in eachother's room, all the crazy dance moves that we do together, all the movie quotes that we always say, all the fine ass boy talks... damn, i'm lucky. We promised eachother to never say "FML, I hate my life, Kill me now" anymore and maybe you should too?

You never know when your life can be taken away or those that you love can be gone. I say, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. Take all the risks you can. Allow yourself to feel love and pain. Say what you mean to say. Fulfill your dreams to max. Let go of the things that are unnecessary.

Allow your life to mean something to yourself and to those around.

Jemma, I love you. I wish you would clean your room more often, so my belongings wouldn't go missing... but I'd rather fight with you about it than to not be able to talk to you ever again. Let's keep adding to our list of movies that we have to watch together, yea? cuz you're the "Romy to my Michelle cuz we are WHITE CHICKS that love to be SUPERSTARs that use too much GREASE. One day we might even become PHANTOMs of the OPERA and stalk an ugly girl named PENELOPE" :) Girl, you know i got yo back no matter what. Remember I was gonna cash out my checkin account to bring you to Utah for you HSM3 audition when ma&dad wasn't having it? Remember I made a fuckin ruckus at the Summer Heat show cuz someone took your cellphone & camera? Now don't forget... that I wouldn't leave your side until ma & dad came to the hospital... Ill always be your ride or die chick.

& I'm sure there will be times in the future where we still wanna rip eachother's heads off.. but deep down.. I got madd love for you. FOREVER & ALWAYS. You deserve nothing but the best. so, all the boys BETTER be scared. Jemma not only has an older brother, but OVERPROTECTIVE SISTER. if it's anybody thats gotta approve of you, IT'S ME BITCH. kay, now impress me.

Here's to you & me bitch. LOVE YOU HOE!!!!"

This made me cry ...

So i was just going thru my messages from the accident, and This is the one that got me the most =)
I love you DJ for sending me this...
This is the reason why i wanted to get a tattoo =)
Enjoy!


"OMGosh just found out the new, hecka crazy, just a few weeks ago i saw u, now i check myspace, thers a pix of u in the hospital...wth???

But I just wanted to give you some encouraging words...

Matthew 8:2-3
"A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, 'Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean.' Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. 'I am willing,' he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy."

Jesus is totally willing to HEAL you of your injuries...Ask and you shall recieve...plus in the bible everyone He encounted Jesus healed every single one of them. why should you be any different. The creater of the Heavens and Earth loves you sooo much He wants to make you better, so you can get back up on the dance floor and continue to use what GOD gave to you......ima pray for you right now

Father God,

Thank you so much for jemma and her life. I know that you are in control. I pray for healing in her body, that the healing process will not take 6-9 months, but that it will be so much faster that she will be able to watch movies, hang out with the friends, go to school, and to continue to rock out the dance floor...Thank you God for her gift of dance...I pray for her dreams that they will not only be dreams, but that they will become reality...It says in your Word that you are our healer...so I hold on that promise that you will heal Jemma...I thank you ahead for the healing in her body...We believe you are in control.

In Jesus name
Aman


Jemma, you gonna be just fine, trust in God and know that He loves you so much...let me know if theres anything else I can do, and please update me on the progress

take care and GOD BLESS!!! "

Psychic.

WTH.

So lately, i've been having dreams thats been coming true -____-

1. I had a dream that Prophecy was gonna take 2nd Place at Breakthrough..
Then as the competition came, they won 2nd.

-____-

2. Tuesday night, i had a dream about someone getting 2 flat tires.
then i was talking to noel, and he asked me ow my day was. and i asked him, and he said "i got 2 flat tires, IN THE SAME DAY"
and i was like -____- wtf, when was this... & in my head i was like, please dont say wednesday. & he was like .. wednesday. FREAKIN TRIPPEN OUT! -________-


im freakin' psychic. haaaaa

the end.

the end.

Dance.

Oh how I miss you right now, especially days like these. Where I just want to dance my life away. So all my stress can go away, or having that feeling of not caring about any bullshit. how it can make me feel so much better.

I miss how it made me SO busy from life. that i didnt have time for anything else.
i miss feeling that butterflies right when youre about to go perform on stage.
I miss how the lighting always was so bright and made me feel EXTRA hotter when i performed.
I miss performing on stage.
I miss the feedback from the audience
I miss tech'in.
I miss feeling lazy and not doing it full out
I miss greg telling me to stop talking while he's teaching
I miss making noises while we dance and perform
I miss feeling DEATH Tired after performing
I miss feeling the crowd's reaction
I miss hearing "good job:" when it was really BS.
I miss feeling being in a whole other world.
I kinda miss paying tuition.
I miss knowing that i have to fight for my spot at dance.
I miss feeling like a dancer.
I HATE that i can't do nothing about me dancing til June.
I HATE how my foot cant balance, sometimes.

:( iDK. I just want to dance SOOOOO bad already :(
GO MY STRESS AWAY. GO GO GO AWAY!

JUNE 2 <3

FXCK.

I feel soooooooo Stupid. :(

WHAT was i thinking? seriously!
Cmonnn ... so stupid.




Need to get over this, pronto.





Lawn understands times 10 billion. =\

Angry mode.

I know i've been really EMO lately, but I got my reasons...

The cutest thing tho was... i slept in my sisters room. and I guess my sister told me that my dad was asking why i was sleeping in there, and she was like "Idk, cus I have more room" and my dadd was like. "whats wrong with her" and jaz was like, "she's mad" and my dad asked about what, and he was like "she was so mean yesterday..." and then he layed next to me while i was sleeping.

(btw, i slept hella early, and i didnt even realize, 1030? maybe before that)

Ricky was like "she's sleeping early, cus she's emo" -_______- so wrong, but so true.


i LOVE when my dad just comes in my room and we can just talk for days. :) thats why i love my daddy a whole lotlotlot. MUCHO GRANDE. i know he's been working really hard lately, staying at work for straight 2 nights in a row. crazy, but thats what dads do! But anyways.

i was MAD and emo yesterday. But thanks for the people who was asking wsup. =\

Nino & Chris, mann, you two. thanks a whole bunch. seriously.
TWIN. ahhh, love you.
Jeanie, OMFG. thanks for getting me at bart at Concord all the way from San Pablo :)
Hazel, thanks for treating me out <3 good times.
Dom, thanks again too for checking up on me. and for OFFERING to pick me up all the way from Hayward, you crazeeee. hahaha

but, just ALOTALOTALOTALOTALOT is on my mind... :(
I dont know what to do now a days.

But school, getting BETTER grades, finally. thank god. A+, B, C+ & B-. UGH. :) thanks! im trying to get all A's so my GPA can get higher cus its hellahellahella low cus my damnfaccident.

but my ankle! ITS DOING ALOTALOTALOT better. :) ahhhh.
cant wait to dance soon.

TODAY IS EXACTLY, 2 MORE MONTHS TILL I START DANCING <333333 JUNE 2. NEEDS TO COME.
5 MORE WEEKS OF SCHOOL! SHIIIEEET! TOO JUICED! <3 LOVELOVE.

TOMORROW, GETAWAY TO SAN JOSE WITH THE BABIESSS, JAZ, TIA, MERC, AND ANTJEEEZYY! <333
the only time i can get away from the world is with prophecy. <3

mmm. yeah, they're performing at the DIVAS 4 DIVAS concert with Pops and Regine <3333 tooo juiceeed! ill be backstage! ahaha


MEOW, LOVE YOU.


thanks for reading my blog. <3